This summer has been a cultural treasure trove for me and my family. As we journey across Europe, we're not just soaking in the breathtaking landscapes and historical landmarks, but also observing the rich tapestry of cultural practices. Some of these behaviors have been delightful, while others have left me genuinely surprised. One aspect, in particular, that has caught my attention is the way people consume their food.
In today’s article, I won’t dive into what people eat—though that in itself is a topic worthy of its own shocking chapter. Instead, I want to focus on how people are eating, a subject that has stirred up quite a bit of reflection on my part.
We live in a world where life moves at breakneck speed, and technology is constantly at our fingertips. It’s no wonder that many of the traditions that once bound us together, creating a sense of family and community, are slowly being eroded. But what has truly stood out to me during our travels is just how quickly the art of table manners is slipping through our fingers.
It’s not uncommon these days to witness families eating in front of the TV, their plates balanced precariously on their laps as they binge-watch the latest series. Others are perched on couches, barely taking their eyes off their phones or tablets as they eat, while some are even multitasking on their computers, their meals becoming an afterthought. What was once a sacred ritual—setting the table, sitting down together, and engaging in meaningful conversation—has, in many homes, become a rare occurrence.
And to be completely honest, it has shocked me. Seeing this shift in such a fundamental human experience has left me feeling disheartened. The simple act of sitting together at the table, sharing not just food but stories, laughter, and a moment of connection, seems to be vanishing in the hustle and bustle of modern life.
I have experienced, in the most luxurious hotels, people not enjoying the beauty of the place and the variety of delicious food prepared with love for them, but instead, they are scrolling on their phones. The most shocking hotel experience for me was seeing children coming down for breakfast in their pajamas, with iPads in hand, showing how little they, or perhaps their parents—actually care about the occasion. Meanwhile, my family spends a minimum of 30 minutes getting ready for breakfast to look our best, showing respect for the place. We had similar experiences last year, and I just can't get used to it. No matter if it’s a 5-star or 2-star hotel, I am not ready to accept such disrespect.
But fine, this shift in behavior isn't just about where we eat and how we look; it reflects a deeper change in how we value and preserve traditions. My recent visits to museums and historical castles, where I marveled at the exquisite porcelains and elaborate table settings, inspired me to reflect on this. The beauty of these traditions—from eating at a beautifully set table, on lovely porcelain, with fresh-cut flowers in vases, to the meticulous arrangement of silverware—reminds us that eating is more than just a biological need. It is a celebration of culture, family, and elegance.
I can already hear some saying, "Easy to say if you have money and the time to set your table." The answer is simple: even when I had no money in my life, I did everything possible to make my bed and set my table to show respect to myself and to others. I just want to remind everyone that it is possible to bring a little bit of that culture and elegance into our everyday routines.
The essence of table manners goes beyond the act of eating; it's about honoring the experience, the people you're with, and the environment you're in. It’s about teaching our children the importance of respect—respect for the food, the time taken to prepare it, and the effort put into creating a pleasant atmosphere. By setting the table, we’re also setting the stage for meaningful interactions, fostering a sense of connection that’s so often lost in the chaos of modern life.
In an age where convenience often trumps tradition, it’s easy to overlook the small rituals that once held so much importance. But by taking a moment to appreciate these traditions—whether it’s dressing up for breakfast or setting the table with care—we’re not just preserving the past; we’re enriching our present and future. It’s a reminder that elegance and culture are not luxuries reserved for special occasions but can be woven into the fabric of our daily lives.
This whole experience really got me thinking—why are people like this? What’s behind this shift in behavior? Curious to dig deeper, I started exploring some statistics on table manners and modern dining habits.
Statistics on Table Manners Today
Finding exact numbers on this trend isn’t straightforward, but the data I did uncover paints a concerning picture. Studies suggest that fewer than half of families regularly eat dinner together anymore. This decline in family meals is further highlighted by a 2022 survey from the Food Marketing Institute, which found that only 30% of families report sitting down for meals without any distractions. Whether it’s the television, smartphones, or tablets, these distractions have become the norm rather than the exception, signaling a significant decline in the practice of traditional table manners.
But then I started to wonder—does this have something to do with wealth? Are people wealthier today, and is that impacting how they value these traditions? Interestingly, the answer isn’t so clear-cut. While it’s true that, on average, people today have more disposable income than in previous generations, this increase in wealth hasn’t necessarily translated into better manners or a greater appreciation for traditional values. In fact, the opposite seems to be happening.
According to recent studies, while the median household income has risen, so has the pace of life. With more money often comes more stress, longer work hours, and less time for the simple, meaningful rituals that once defined our daily routines, like sitting down to a well-set table. The convenience culture has taken over—meals are now often quick, on-the-go, or consumed while multitasking.
Moreover, lifestyle changes have played a major role. The rise of dual-income households, the constant presence of technology, and the growing trend of fast food and ready-made meals have all contributed to the erosion of traditional dining practices. So, while people might be wealthier, they seem to be poorer in terms of time, attention, and appreciation for the simple act of sharing a meal.
This realization makes it even more important to consciously revive these traditions. Wealth, after all, isn’t just measured in dollars; it’s also about the richness of our experiences and the values we pass on to our children. Setting the table, enjoying a meal together, and practicing good manners might seem like small things, but they can add immeasurable value to our lives.
Bringing Tradition Back to the Table: Simple Tips for Modern Families
Reviving the art of table manners doesn’t have to be a daunting task. In fact, with just a few small changes, you can transform mealtime into a cherished tradition that your family will look forward to. Here are some simple tips to help you get started:
Set Aside a Few Minutes to Prepare: Finding time to set the table might seem impossible in today’s busy world, but it’s easier than you think. Dedicate just five minutes before each meal to set the table. Make it a part of your routine, just like brushing your teeth or making your bed. The key is consistency. Even on the busiest days, a simple, well-set table can make all the difference.
Involve the Kids: Turn setting the table into a family activity. Get your kids involved by giving them specific tasks, like placing the napkins, arranging the silverware, or even selecting a centerpiece. This not only teaches them responsibility but also helps them understand the importance of tradition and teamwork. Plus, kids are more likely to appreciate a meal they’ve had a hand in preparing.
Create a No-Device Rule: Make mealtimes a sacred space by setting a rule for no phones, tablets, or TVs at the table. Encourage conversation instead. Share stories about your day, ask questions, and engage with each other. This not only strengthens family bonds but also makes mealtimes more enjoyable and meaningful.
Start a Tradition of Collecting Dining Sets: One of the most beautiful traditions you can start is collecting dining sets. I’ve been collecting dining sets since I was a young girl, and it’s a passion I’ve continued with my husband. We have one major collection that we’ve built together over the years, adding new pieces whenever we find something special. Of course, pieces get broken from time to time, but that just adds to the history of the collection. One day, this collection will be a treasured heirloom for my daughter, just as my mother passed hers down to me.
You Don’t Have to Spend a Fortune: Beautiful, stylish dining sets don’t have to be expensive. Today, you can find elegant and affordable options that suit any budget. Whether you’re starting a new collection or adding to an existing one, the key is to choose pieces that bring you joy and reflect your personal style. Even a simple, well-chosen set can elevate your dining experience and add a touch of elegance to everyday meals.
By incorporating these tips into your routine, you’re not just setting the table—you’re setting the stage for memorable meals, meaningful conversations, and lasting traditions. It’s a small investment of time that pays off in the richness it adds to your life. So, next time you sit down to eat, remember that you’re doing more than just filling your stomach; you’re nurturing your soul, your family, and the traditions that make life beautiful.
To round this article I prepared a comprehensive guide on setting up a basic dining table and a more formal dining setup, along with some tips on how to involve the family and make mealtime special.
The Very Basic Dining Table Setup Guide
For everyday meals or casual dining, the essentials you need are minimal but effective:
Plates:
Dinner Plates: At least one per person. Typically, you’ll want to have 8 to 12 dinner plates to accommodate larger gatherings.
Salad Plates: Optional, but useful if you frequently serve salad as a separate course.
Cutlery:
Forks: Place the fork on the left side of the dinner plate. You’ll need one per person, so have a set of at least 8 to 12.
Knives: Place the knife to the right of the dinner plate, with the blade facing inward. Again, 8 to 12 is ideal.
Spoons: If you’re serving soup or dessert, place the spoon to the right of the knife.
Glasses:
Water Glasses: Positioned above the knife. Have at least one per person.
Additional Glasses: For casual dining, you might not need more than water glasses, but if you regularly serve wine, consider adding one or two additional glasses per person.
Napkins:
Napkins can be placed to the left of the forks or on the plate. They add a touch of elegance and are a simple way to make the meal feel more special.
Placemats or Tablecloth:
Use a placemat under each setting or a simple tablecloth for a neat appearance.
If you want to level up, here is for you:
The Formal Dining Table Setup Guide
For more elaborate dinners or special occasions, the setup becomes more intricate:
Plates:
Charger Plates: These large plates remain under the dinner plate throughout the meal. One per person.
Dinner Plates: Placed on top of the charger.
Salad Plates: Positioned on top of the dinner plate if serving salad as a separate course.
Soup Bowls: Placed on the salad plate if soup is served first.
Bread and Butter Plates: Placed to the top left of the charger.
Cutlery:
Dinner Forks: To the left of the charger.
Salad Forks: Placed to the left of the dinner fork.
Dinner Knives: To the right of the charger.
Soup Spoons: Placed to the right of the knife if soup is served.
Butter Knives: Positioned horizontally on the bread plate.
Glassware:
Water Glass: Above the knife.
Wine Glasses: Positioned to the right of the water glass. Red wine glasses are usually placed above the white wine glass.
Napkins:
Placed on the plate, under the forks, or creatively folded and set above the plate.
Additional Items:
Dessert Spoons and Forks: Positioned horizontally above the dinner plate or brought out with dessert.
Place Cards: For a more formal touch, especially with larger gatherings.
Centerpieces: Keep them low to encourage conversation across the table.
In conclusion, while it might seem old-fashioned to insist on table manners in today’s fast-paced world, doing so can bring a sense of purpose and tradition back into our lives. So, the next time you sit down for a meal, whether it’s in a grand hotel or your own kitchen, take a moment to appreciate the surroundings, the food, and the company. Put away the screens, set the table with intention, and bring back a little of that old-world charm. You might just find that it turns an ordinary meal into something extraordinary.
Bon Appetite,
Yours Always in Stilettos 👠
Henrieta
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